Too damn long

I punched the numbers into the microwave timer and pushed Start: 8 minutes, 46 seconds. And then I stood in my kitchen and watched the seconds tick down, thinking of George Floyd. I imagined how it felt to be lying in a street with a knee on my windpipe and pressure on my back and lungs from two other officers. It wasn't hard to imagine; I've seen the video.

The seconds ticked slowly past. I thought about the time I couldn't catch my breath; at the end of a bad coughing spell when I repeatedly gasped for air and no air could be found; how scared I was.

"I can't breathe," said George, over and over, but his pleas for help went unanswered, even while a crowd gathered and pleaded for the officers to stop. And still the seconds on my timer tick downward. He called out for help, he called out for his mother, deceased two years. And the timer ticked.

Eight minutes, forty-six seconds is a very long time. Long enough to have second thoughts and remove your knee from the stranger's throat. Long enough to call an ambulance, or get him back on his feet. Because while I'm thinking all this the clock is still ticking.

At eight minutes I begin to cry. He was unconscious by this time, or already dead. But the knee stayed put for forty-six more seconds.

Eight minutes, forty-six seconds is a very long time. There is no question this was cruel, deliberate murder and I was heartened to learn yesterday that the charges had been raised to second degree—intent. The three officers who assisted have been charged with aiding and abetting, their bail set at one million dollars.

I don't know if George Floyd tried to pass a fake $20 but I have no doubt that it didn't matter to those four officers. They were going to do what they did regardless, because that's what they wanted to do. But their actions sparked the conversation that many of us have been hoping for.

We all know, we have long known, that racism underlays our perfect union. It has been openly laying there 400 years and maybe this incident will be the beginning of its end. Change will happen slowly and many will resist. But peace and justice are powerful calls, and it's time for white privilege to sink into the swamp it rose from.

Because eight minutes and forty-six seconds is too damn long.