Today is my birthday. It's one of those milestone birthdays that can't be ignored. I hit the 30-year milestone at the height of "don't trust anyone over 30," which was rather annoying, but I doubt 80 has much relevance to pop culture or the massive changes we are undergoing. But for what it's worth, here are three qualities that have both challenged and enhanced my life—not counting Love, of course, which overrides all.
The first is Compassion. Compassion for ourselves, because we all suffer, and compassion for others, because we all suffer. No matter how magical a life looks from the outside, each of us, if we live long enough, will confront every degree of every emotion: joy and depression, health and sickness, love and grief. These feelings aren't usually visible and often can't be shared with others, which is why compassion is vital. Sometimes we don't want help or sympathy, we simply need to know that others care. And all caring—as long as it's nonjudgemental—is compassion. I've learned to keep it close so it can be drawn on when needed.
The second is Patience. This has been one of my chief life lessons and honestly, I can't say I've mastered it. Patience with oneself, of course, remembering that growth cannot occur without the time it takes to understand, develop, and conquer whatever skill, or habit, or inquiry one is trying to master. And patience with others, for we don't always know what lies beneath the smiling façade or drives the angry outburst. I've learned to return to the now when feeling impatient, to count breaths and release control to what is. Patience is closely linked to compassion.
Finally, Curiosity. Some people are born curious, but it's a trait that can be learned and even championed in oneself and others. And nothing adds more spice to life—I speak from experience. Curiosity has driven every adventure, every lesson, every challenge. I was lucky to live with a man equally as curious, but it didn't come as easily to him; he learned to love it. Curiosity is the great motivator, the successful inventor, the mystery solver, the problem fixer. Curiosity entertains us. Even better, it can defeat the fear that limits life and understanding. For me, no skill or talent has been more valuable.
A family member recently joked that "80 is the new 60." That sounds about right. A few days ago I got an email from a friend who's 97. Her first words were, "Call me, and let's get together and drink wine!" That sounds about right too.
Life is a gift. Life is good. So is 80.
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